The Untold Story
The development of the guitar has quite a chequered history. It can be traced back to the days of gay musicians playing gay little ditties on Lutes. The lute was designed by a little known musician named Ben Doon who was part of a duo. His partners name was Phil Macrack. The lute had a very pronounced bowl sticking out the back to remind him of his other favourite pastime.
Another musician of the time had different ideas. His name being Don Kidick. As his name implies, he found the Lute design a bit cumbersome so he designed a smaller version held in the crook of the arm. Most players found this to be a little Vile so it was comparatively short lived.
As the years passed the guitar as we know it today evolved.
An instrument maker named Mustapha Bit was sitting in his workshop one day thinking of his youth and how his domineering wife had ruined all his fun. He came up with the idea of an instrument shaped like his past loves body. He could run his hands around the smooth curves and dream anytime he liked without raising his wifes suspicions. He decided to put a large sound hole on the top face because it reminded him of his wifes mouth. The neck had to be fairly long and thin so it was easy to get his hand round it.He put markers on the fingerboard and spaced them in such a way that he could play in different keys to suit his mood which was governed by the sort of fret his wife caused him each day.
The tuners were of a screw design and were placed on the head, after all his wife's head was a bit screwed up and needed tuning. The bottom anchor for the strings was called a bridge because while playing about you always get into trouble if you cross the bridge when you come to it.
In later years other luthiers fed up with womens nagging about them thinking more of their guitars than them would try to change the look of the guitar by getting rid of that big hole which reminded them of 'the mouth' and maybe unconciously the 'f' holes came about. The sound was different at least. Say no more.
As fashions change, women became slimmer and the guitars followed suit. Some men like their women like Twiggy, some like the meatier versions, so the design of guitars caters for all.
With the advent of electricity, they were able to become thinner still and by making thenm solid you could turn the power off and play quietly. Many wished they could pull the plug on their wives too. The cutaway came about so frustrated musicians could get their hands further down the neck and throttle the sound to a higher pitch. Hmmm.
The tuning of a guitar is again attributable to man's desire for the love of a woman. It all centres around the G-string. Starting at the bottom and working up you have EAD and this came from when the craftsman of old would sit there talking of the previous nights accomplishments and it always used to start with "I suppose 'E 'AD a good time last night" so EADG seemed to be a good start. Of course once you get to the G-string in the conversation the next bit was "Bloody Excellent" or "Bleeding Erotic". Of course, there were a few other comments beginning with B and E but I don't think we'll go into those here, let's just say that is where the B and E came to be the obvious choice for the next two strings. What would life be like without a good instrument to use?